I love celebrating my mom every year on Mother’s Day. But this year, it is even more special. In just short couple months, my mother will become a grandmother. And I myself will be a mother for the first time ever! That’s right, Dylan and I are having a baby and we are so excited to make this special announcement this Mother’s Day.
I know it’s too soon to celebrate this occasion as a mother, so I won’t. But I want to celebrate my mother this year with even more special loving. Because it’s the first time in my life, having a human growing inside of me, I begin to truly experience and understand my mother’s unconditional love for me and my sister. This post is my gratitude for a wonderful mother who loved me from when I was a tiny dot, and of course I’d like to dedicate a small section of this post to reveal that she will be a really cool grandmother soon!
Trying for baby and how I found out
To tell you this baby is a surprise would be a lie. A while ago, I did a blog post to share our future plans and one of them was to have a baby soon (which is a stupid idea I realized shortly after. Putting that on the internet just meant so much more pressure for both of us). But anyways, we started trying more or less a year ago. Everyone would tell me, stop stressing out about it and when you relax, the baby will come. It’s kinda true. The first months of trying were quite exciting, but were quickly followed by disappointment when I kept seeing negative on every baby test. It was then almost year round, and we finally accepted that we’d need to go see a doctor. And when I stopped thinking about it, it happened.
I found out pretty early on, at week 3. It was a Friday. We were planning on going to a bar after work to have a few drinks with some of Dylan’s friends. And since I had been late for a couple days, I just wanted to make sure I wouldn’t drink too much and cause any harm, so I took a test. And I was glad I did, because from that moment, I knew this wouldn’t be the last weekend I couldn’t drink anymore (although Dylan still unsympathetically continued to have a Labatt Blue or a Screwdriver every once in a while).
The emotional changes and my gratitude for my mother
I can get to the physical changes in a bit. But I just wanted to talk a little bit about the emotions I’ve felt for the past months. It is a Mother’s Day post and I want to say something about that. First, I want to clarify something. I’m generally a good kid, or so I’d like to think. I was always a good toddler, a bit difficult teenager but I’m sure that’s normal and I wasn’t too hard to handle. And I’m still a good kid now. I love my parents, and that’s also not nobel prize worthy.
But the one thing I learned, from carrying my own baby for just a couple months, is I never truly understood motherhood. Until I was about 6 weeks along, the tech found a tiny dot with a pulse, pointed it out to me and told me that was my baby. I read too much books and online forums to be aware of the higher miscarriage rate within the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. So to confirm there was a heartbeat it was such a relief. I am grateful everyday my baby is one day older and it’s closer to the date we get to meet. The mom instincts kick in, I want to protect that little red dot every moment. I worry about it constantly and thought too much about how devastated I would be if one day the doctor couldn’t find the heartbeat anymore.
All of this is to say, that night after the doctor’s appointment, while I was in the shower, I thought of my mom. The teenage years that I screamed at her for being too protective, that she didn’t understand me and that she wasn’t fair. I cried so much (I’m sure the preggo hormones didn’t help) I was a bawling mess. This I’m sure is only the beginning of it. The unconditional love, accompanied by the fear, the joy, the confusion, the excitement my mother felt for her children all these years. Even though I haven’t met my baby, but I love it already, no matter what gender, how it looks, what it does. And because of that, I felt like I never really understood my mother until recently.
I grew closer to my mom over the past months. She would call to ask about my pregnancy every couple days. She gives advice, and shares her own experience. It’s a special bond and is hard to explain to an outsider. After all, I was the one inside her belly, by her side through the 9 months, I just didn’t really know it. And now when it’s my turn to experience the beauty of growing a human inside my belly, she’s happy to offer advice and knowledge. This is another reason why this Mother’s Day, it means so much more for me to honor my mom, since I’m beginning now to understand and experience the journey she’s had.
How far along I am and some physical changes
I’m a couple weeks away from the halfway point of my pregnancy now. The baby is due this fall. I’m still debating whether I will reveal a more exact date, as my husband is pretty private about those kind of things. So we will see. It’s true you don’t have a baby bump with your first baby until much later in the pregnancy. And for some reason, it’s taking even longer to show for me. Nobody knows I’m pregnant by just looking at me. People are usually in shock when I tell them how far along I am. It was a tad awkward when we did this photoshoot at a public train station and people were looking at us holding my belly like “what are they holding?”
When friends found out about the baby, they often asked how I was doing my first trimester. And I must say thankfully I flew through the first three months without any significant hardship. I occasionally had nausea if I stayed up too late, but I actually never puked once. My husband doesn’t know what “Honey, please hold my hair” joke even means. My energy level didn’t change, I was still energetic. I had to take afternoon naps every once in a while but this period of afternoon naps quickly passed. Also luckily, no food aversions. I liked anything and would even eat raw fish if my doctor and husband let me (I was always a sushi lover). Bottom line is I would have never known I was pregnant if we weren’t actually trying and I wasn’t peeing on a stick test every 4 weeks. Things stayed relatively the same.
The only thing is towards the end of my first semester, I noticed how big my hip was expanding. And I suppose that is a contributing factors to why my lower back started hurting like crazy. On some days, I didn’t want to move, just sitting idle in one spot hurt. I eventually figured out a lot of hip and lower back stretches (or yoga) helped, and I started taking warm baths twice a week. Another thing that helped with my lower back pain is Dylan picking up some house chores. So try asking your husband to mop the floors next time your back hurts. If your back doesn’t feel better, at least the floor is clean!
This post is getting super long so I’ll end it here. I know everyone loves their mom, but this special day, don’t forget to show her a little extra love. Hold her a little tighter a little longer. We all had a special bond with our own mother for the whole 9 months and even years after that. There’s nothing she won’t understand and no matter what happens, you’re always her little baby that she loves unconditionally. I wish I could share more photos of my mother for this post, but since we live halfway across the country, that will be another post, perhaps one with the baby too.
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